Hope Deferred

Yesterday I was on this beach, while exploring a beautiful island off the coast of Hong Kong, thousands of miles from #home. And this morning I got the news that a childhood friend, someone I literally grew up with, lived up the street from, went to elementary, middle school, and high school with, had been shot & killed. When I got the message to pray because he had been shot several times, all I could think of was “dejaVu”. This happened a few years back  and we (friends) literally prayed him out of that hospital bed. I thought that would be his wake up call. It wasn't. No lie, while exploring this island yesterday I thought of this very individual, and others like him from the neighborhood I grew up in - the city & neighborhood my mom still lives in that I love so much. While walking around the island, seeing children and families from all over the world (USA included) who live and work, attend school and have made a home on this tiny island off the coast of China, I thought to myself.. "Wow, I'm so grateful to be experiencing this. When I was a kid I would of thought this life only existed on tv or in my dreams." Back home this type of living is not even fathomable. It's not super luxurious or anything. It's just not even in the consciousness of many of my friends & family (let alone the youth of my community), that something so simple as a "different way of life" is possible. We are creatures of habit & comfort. Rashad was one of the people who inspired me to move to China. He never even knew it. The hopelessness that plagues the mind & spirit that has not been expanded, exposed, & evolved is daunting.

This is not the first childhood friend that I've lost to gun violence. And I honestly thought I had grown numb to the whole scenario. But this has me thrown off. When I think of Rashad's death, I think of Marquise (Pope), & then I think of Phillip, & then of course Jeremee (Timms). These were boys who I had grown up with, was a child with, played on the playground with, was teased & harassed by 🙄. & boys who I watched transition into young men, & succumb to a lifestyle that was beyond them & would ultimately destroy them.

As a child, I remember often looking at elder men & women in my community who were maybe on drugs, or homeless, out in the streets tweaking, or the crazies, the killers, drug dealers etc. & I would look at them and see children. I would wonder, what happened in their life that set them on this course? They were once an innocent child like the rest of us. Maybe they came from a broken home, or had no home, no family, maybe they had a family who loved them but experienced some trauma that they couldn't shake. Whatever the case, there was a moment where they lost hope. Where they said “f*ck it this is just the way it's gonna be. & this is the life I'm gonna live.” It is the same hopelessness underlying every shooting, every killing in our community by our community. It is the saddest thing to me. & it is what broke my heart this morning & every time I saw Rashad standing on that damn block. The hopelessness. It is why sadly I knew this day would come & secretly I think he did too. The hopelessness. It is why I do what I have done & will continue to do for our children, the hopelessness. It is why I chose to come to China. Having my community in mind always, how dare I seek to inspire a child to do something that I had not yet done...Get OUT of my community & see & experience the world, another way of life. To change, grow, & expand. Rashad wasn't able to. But his life nor his death will be in vain as far as I'm concerned.

My heart & prayers are with those who are and were closest with Rashad. His family. This is a sad sad day for 35th (The street I grew up on). The minds & hearts of our people are in such despair y'all. A lot of us have grown numb to it, but it will never be ok. This is unnatural. & with as much comfort and solace you can & may find in prayer, it takes ACTION for things to Change. Start with you. & then find a child to pour into. Just when I thought I was running out of hope, shit like this happens to remind me that I got a bit more left. I'm gonna keep on LIVING & pass it along. I Love you Rashad. Rest well. ❤️